Thursday, July 31, 2008


When I was pregnant with Abbie I had high expectations of myself. I found a cute cross stitch blanket kit with lovely animals that sort of matched the theme of her room. So I set out to finish it before she came. GOOD THING SHE WAS LATE. But I finished it before she was here and it was a great baby blanket. It was huge when I was working on it, seemed like I would NEVER finish.
I made her another blanket, her sweet heart blanket. I had some material I bought probably 6 years before she was born. It has hearts & musical notes and the words to “you are my sunshine” After I had her I knew I had to use it to make another blanket. I decide to quilt around each of the hearts. Ok the hearts are an inch or so in size and I’m guessing there are a couple hundred on the blanket and it felt HUGE. Maybe it just felt like that, but there’s a lot. So I quilted and quilted and quilted. Finally I finished it. I have no idea how old she was. but I finished it and she LOVED her sweet heart blanket. It’s pretty big, not quite big enough for a comforter, but covers most of the top of her twin size blanket.

When she started at Kids First she chose the cross stitched blanket to take with her. I was worried that when they washed it every week they wouldn’t be as careful with it as I had been. I worked LONG AND HARD on that and remember feeling her move beneath it as I was desperately trying to finish it thinking she’d be there any second. Ok, so I was way wrong, but anyway. I was hesitant to let her take it, but it’s what she wanted so she took it.
Last night picking clothes for the next day she told me she needed to wear long pants to school because her legs got cold at nap time. When I asked her what happened to her blanket she told me she was too big for it. Too big for that blanket that took me probably 6 months to finish? What did she want instead I asked, thinking it meant a trip to the store for a blanket, but she said her sweet heart blanket was big enough. Looking at it I thought it couldn’t be bigger than the other blanket, just didn’t seem like it, especially when I held it up to her. Looked just like the animal blanket.

So we took it to school this morning and did the swap. The sweetheart blanket was the same size as the animal blanket… the last time I saw it next to her. She’s grown. It’s odd how things like blankets are what make me see how much bigger she is. I remember the first time I laid her on the animal blanket how tiny she seemed and now it’s not even big enough to cover her legs.

Well now I know how old she was when the animal blanket became too small, how old will she be before the sweet heart blanket is too small?

I’ll say one more thing about blankets. When she was born we had so many hand made blankets I thought we’d never use them all. Each one has been named and loved more than I ever thought possible. We treasure each and every one and I’ve decided it’s my new gift to mom’s, something handmade to love their baby with and to remember the hands that made that wonderful gift.

Monday, July 28, 2008

how old

When you have a child there are so many “how old’s” how old was she when she rolled over, sat up, walked, talked, was potty trained, slept through the night, rode a bike, started school. The list goes on forever. Those are ALL very important things, but here are the how olds I’d love to know, good ones and bad ones

How old will she be before I stop sitting on the end of her bed watching her sleep?
How old will she be before my heart breaks as I walk away from her class room?
How old will she be before I stop waking because I “think” I hear her?
How old will she be before I know if I’d made good choices, at least for some of them?
How old will she be before she realizes I’m not quite so perfect?
How old will she be when we have our first real fight?
How old will she be when she looks at her own baby and wonders if it’s even possible that I ever loved her as much as she loves the baby in her arms?
How old will she be when she looks at her own baby and realizes that I always did and still do love her as much as she loves the baby in her sights?
How old will she be when I stop wondering if I have the right carseat, dr, daycare, tooth paste or what ever it is?How old will she be when she really understands how much I love her and would do ANYTHING for her

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

four years ago

4 years ago today I was probably sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself. It was one day past my due date and my second week off work. I started my leave the first of July because all along they’d been saying the baby was big, I’d go any day but for sure before my due date of the 8th. I WAS MISERABLE. Abbie moved as much before she came out as she did after, and her favorite position was stretched out so something was under my right rib and something else was poking my left hip.

Every morning I’d come downstairs jumping step by step hoping that gravity would help. I walked and walked and walked, and when I wasn’t doing that I slept. I still have the only thing that I wore that was actually comfortable, it was red and UGLY, but it was relatively cool and comfortable. That dress was the LAST thing I wore before she came and the LAST thing I would ever want to wear again J

Little did I know how much longer I had to go. Looking back I can see it was only 11 days, but those 11 days seemed to drag out FOR MONTHS.

In the end she was more than worth it and I miss feeling whatever that was under my ribs. Now though I can feel all of her poking me early in the morning as she climbs into our bed and for that I’m thankful.