words

I got let go a week ago and it's been really quiet. I used to be surrounded by words, words on the computer monitor I looked at all day, words coming through the headset I wore, words from the girls next to me, the people in the next cube, down the hall, from the office I sat next to, words from the three radio's I could hear, sometimes more. Sometimes I thought I would scream if I had to hear another word, and I would come home to my 4 year old, SHE'S A FOUNTAIN OF WORDS, my husband always had some words not many but words, words none the less. Words from the tv, words from the occasional phone call. More words than I needed.

Now, almost no words. The only words I hear most of the day now come from the tv. I thought I could use a little peace and quiet, but I find that it's MUCH too quiet. Not sure I want to go back to all the words I heard a week or so ago that was too much, but this is too much quiet that's for dang sure.

let go

Well yesterday I got let go, I don't think I've ever been fired from a real job before. IT SUCKS completely and totally. And then I look at Abbie and I REALLY feel bad. If something even worse happens Rick and I will understand. If we turn off our cable we'll get why we can't watch our shows but she'll just be confused, no more ice cream or eating out no problem, but she' s not going to get it.

I'm pissed off and disappointed and discouraged and scared. I get that things are bad everywhere, but I know in every company across the country that is letting people go there are people who aren't being affected in the least. Their pay hasn't changed and won't change, they may work harder for it, but whatever. Someone told me they feel sorry for the ones who had to do the telling, not me THEY STILL HAVE A JOB. While I was packing my box one of the guys watching said to the other, man is this day over yet. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!! Yea, it was over for me and it wasn't even lunch time.

k, that's enough bitterness for now.


one last thing, how much does it suck that NOT ONLY IS IT THE WEEK WE ARE OUT OF EVERYTHING (toilet paper, soap, shampoo, food, laundry soap etc) BUT THAT I've been so responsible lately buying only clothes I can wear to work that I only have 1 pair of jeans I can wear now that I have days to wear them!

look what I did :)

SO I have more then one post with this title, but here's the latest. I'm also including a link to some pictures of holiday stuff. Cookie decorating, snow, Christmas, doll house.

Hope everyone is doing GREAT.

here's what I did. Just took me a week
the first picture is before and the second two are after













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link to holiday pictures
http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=9715l27e.2eea3mba&x=0&h=1&y=-wuccsh&localeid=en_US

used to could

Did you ever do something you were good at that you stopped, and then you actually missed it? Lots of people danced, or played soccer or baseball or something like that. Lots of people can be good at those things. But was there ever something you used to do that not everyone could do? and for what ever reason you stopped only to regret stopping later, but you don't know how to start again? Listen to these boys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iajdUlQRgIc

I used to could do that. Well not quite that low, or quite that high, but really, honestly I used to could do that. I still could I just don't know quite how or where. but I used to could

What was your Thanksgiving desert?

Here's what Abbie had

Ok, we had pie too, but we managed to get a fire going and toasted marshmallows. She doesn't like the black ones.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving and have lots of things to be thankful for.

Here are some of mine
Abbie
my family
my job, because we all need one right now
my marriage
my home
my friends
there's so much I could list, but this year just the basics are enough. We had food for Thanksgiving, more than we needed, Rick, Abbie and I spent it together and we are all healthy.

birthday

We always take pictures of Abbie with each of us for her birthday, which means then we have a picture of Rick on his birthday but we never did on my birthday. So this year, a picture.

And one she took of me and Rick.

don't mind the mess

screw the socks

So yesterday I asked Abbie if we could go through the socks in her drawer and get rid of the ones that itch. Not would you wear socks, you have to wear socks, and these are the socks you have to wear, butlet’s just get rid of them to make room for more stuff. She said sure mommy. So we sorted the socks into piles of like socks, she actually tried some on and found 2 pairs she could stand to wear and wanted to leave some on. WONDERFUL I thought. So she went to a friends to play, she said after an hour or so she asked if she could take her socks off and they NEVER went back on. Ok, no sweat I’m not pushing. Well as I was going to bed last night I heard her screaming and crying in her sleep. I went in to see what was going on and she was clawing at her ankles trying to get off some socks that she wasn’t even wearing shaking her head back and forth saying no, no, no. I told Rick NO MORE SOCKS I’m not even asking or buying or anything. They can go on ebay or craigslist or the trash for all I care, but not on her.

Anyone need some socks?

history

This is a picture of my grandma, my mothers mother, Jean. Yes that date is 1929. I am assuming that the arm peaking out is her mother Ester. We've spent some time recently looking through old pictures, this is not even close to the oldest one, we have pictures of my great-great grandma as a young woman, Mom Dueser was born in 1887. So like I said this isn't the oldest picture. I think it struck me because I'm pretty sure that the chair my grandma is sitting in is sitting in my mothers entry way right this very second. I hear people talk all the time about what they want, the silver, the china, the money the art, the stuff. For me it's things like this picture, and all I have is the scan. Now when I walk past that chair I will see my grandma sitting there just like in this picture. So for me the pictures, that's what I want. Even more than that I'd love to know who's in them. So my new project, other than getting them printed and in albums, is to put names and maybe even stories to every picture in my computer. And the little old things, I've got a ring that was my great great grandma's and when I think about the things it's been through and the strength of the hands that wore it, I feel stronger like I can do more than I could without it.

We were looking at old things at my grandmas one night and she pulled out some tiny old things. One of which was a button hook, you know like you used to button up shoes in the days when women wore high button up shoes. At first I thought it was bakelite, but it's older than bakelite, they thought it was tortoise shell. And it was my great great grandma's mothers they thought, and they think perhaps she got it from someone she worked for. How many hands, buttons shoes, mornings and dreams. It was warm when I held it in my hand like it held the warmth from all of them.

by the way, want to see more?

http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding.action?c=9715l27e.atz1f5gu&x=0&h=1&y=-vlmsgu&localeid=en_US

voting

So I took Abbie with me to vote this morning. We were there about an hour and as we left she said to me, wow all that for a sticker! I'd explained to her in the car what I was going to do so she kept asking me to explain again in the line what we were doing. Lots of standing and waiting, lots of explaining. There was someone in line a couple people ahead of me who wanted to know if there was anyone who could explain what was on the ballot, like she didn't understand what she was voting for.

I guess everyone gets a sticker right?

on a side note, there was boy there TALLER THAN ABBIE with a paci in his mouth. I can't even tell you how glad I am we kicked that habit!

don't laugh

or disown me or what ever, but we can't start a fire. We can start one in our gas fire place in the living room. That's easy, well so long as it's lit, then we just flip a switch. But not in the fire pit in the back yard. We had some Lowes gift cards and the thing we had them for wasn't as much as I thought it would be, so we got a fire pit. I've wanted one FOR EVER so we got it. WASTE. Ok, so it's just the first night, I'm sure we'll figure it out. We had a difference of opinion. One thought to put some paper and stuff in a pile and then stack the wood around it like a tepee, the other to smash as much paper as possible in a pile and then smash wood on top of it and surround with paper and light. I kept my mouth shut. Neither worked. I don't think the first one got enough of a chance, the other not such a great idea? Who the heck knows. Now we live in the country, this is something we should be able to do.

My family can start a roaring 5 alarm blaze with 1/2 a wet match and a wet noodle. I fondly remember Christmas around the table with candles and fresh pine and snap crackle popping. Then I could start a fire, now not so much.

All we wanted was toasted marshmallows.

look what I did :)

It's not Halloween yet, but I had to share

have you seen seamless socks

Yes I'm serious. I need to find some for Abbie. I hate socks, really I do, but when it's cold I'll wear them. So will she, but only after we force her and there's lots of crying from both of us, and I don't think they stay on very long. The seams itch her. So I googled seamless socks, I found them, but they are 3 bucks a pair. Now I love her and I want her to have warm shoes, but at 3 bucks a pair that's insane for socks. I don't spend that much on socks for me, even the cute ones, I wait until they are out of season and buy my Christmas socks at Easter.

Anyway, have you seen any?

quickie

We have music with our cable, channels and channels of music. Abbie sleeps in my room when Rick is out of town and she listens to the "tv music" I usually put it on classical or light classical or something like that. Well Saturday I heard her saying something and figured she was talking to her animals, she finally found me and said "but mommy I wanted big band." BIG BAND, AWESOME I love it really I do, but how many 4 year olds even know what big band is? I tried a wrong channel to see if she knew what it was, she did!

Also, did you know a little pumpkin, one that a 4 year old can carry around the house for a long time, can make a pie, 2 loaves of pumpkin bread and still have pumpkin left over? That's what we did yesterday. Next weekend, grape jelly.

SO SWEET

Abbie was looking rather somber so I asked her what was wrong and she said I'm sad for JoAnn and your Grandpa, I said why and she said they are in heaven. I told her we didn't need to be sad for them, they were in heaven with God and weren't hurting or anything anymore. Then she said ok, but we don't ever throw anyone out of our hear mommy.

October

It's breast cancer awareness month. Everything has a month and a ribbon. I was being a good kid and adding a ribbon to my siggy at work so I put this in my siggy.

It's pretty right, perfectly acceptable. Then I heard about a number I heard on the debate last night. **WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE DEBATE, JUST THIS NUMBER** Ten Billion a month in Iraq TEN BILLION A MONTH IN IRAQ. I can't even think what 10 billion of anything looks like I thought to myself. I don't really know why that number popped in my head, but perhaps it was because I was thinking about the sea of people at the starting line of the Komen walk I was at earlier this year. It wasn't close to 10 billion, not anywhere close not even a fraction, but there were people as far as I could see in both directions, there were so many people we decide it would be better to watch than to walk with Sarah and Abbie in that crowd. Probably thousands, if THOUSANDS of people look like that how many is TEN BILLION. They can spend 10 billion. Rick said it's not even real money, even better, if they can spend 10 billion of not real money a month, A MONTH, couldn't they take just one month and put it to something good? JUST ONE MONTH OF THAT MONEY and maybe we wouldn't be adding stupid little sweet pretty pink ribbons to our siggys. and that made me want to add this ribbon.

Can you read that, Breast Cancer! Say It! Fight It! Cure It! Damn It! I didn't add it, I need my job and it's not "professional"

but if they could take one month of that 10 billion damn it, what could we use pretty pink ribbons for then?

totally random

How many times a day are you asked "how are you" and someone actually cares? Really think about it. In my job almost everytime I answer the phone someone is asking and I TRUTHFULLY don't think any of the people asking care. Even people walking by me, "Hi, how are ya" don't think they really want to know. Very rarely are we asked that question and someone really wants to know. I want to pick a day, and every time I am asked that question answer it truthfully. Can you imagine?

How are you, well considering my 4 year old fought me tooth and nail about getting dressed, insisted that she should have sugar and donuts for breakfast, told me she only wanted her daddy to take her to school would I call him to back for her and then cried that I she would miss me when I was leaving her at school I'm great, oh well except that our power bill is high, water bill is going to double and money isn't growing on a tree in my back yard. CAN YOU IMAGINE if you said that or anything even remotely close?

Right now I tell people I'm awesome, and they say really you are, nope but if I keep saying that it has to be true eventually.

why shy?

Abbie's so shy, I'm not sure why. Ok, well maybe her mom & dad are shy. My friends don't believe me when I say that, but obviously they don't remember when they first met me, not when they first got to know me, but when they first met me. When I first started working with you, or seeing you at Abbie's school, or where ever it is I know you from. Really I am shy. I'm slow to warm up but once I'm warmed I'm hot. Rick is the same way, well unless you are holding a transmitter, then he doesn't care. But even people who have known him for years sometimes haven't heard him string together more than 5 or 6 sentences at a time. However, if you get to know him and get him talking about something he's interested in, he WON'T SHUT UP.

I think I missed out on a lot sitting back and doing nothing. How many things in highschool or college or since then could I have done better at if I was willing to jump right in. Even now, there are things I'm not doing or am not doing well enough because I'm hesitant.

I'm not sure why, we are just like that. And now so is Abbie. It hurts me to watch her in a new situation, something she REALLY wants to do but I can't help her do. I know I can't always help her, or be there next to her all the time, but it's so hard to know she wants to do something, but she's just not there yet. She's started dance. REALLY wants to go every Saturday, but then gets there and she can hardly join the circle. My dance teacher, joining was not a choice. We always said if we died before the next class prop us up next to the piano cause Audrey wasn't having any of that missing class stuff! Abbie's teacher is gentle and soft and doesn't make the kids do anything. Well a little of that is fine, but Saturday she didn't do ANYTHING with the rest of the class, and from what I could tell the teacher didn't even bother to try. I understand she's the shy one, I get it, really I do however I've worked with other "shy" ones and a little goes a long way. But with $30 for a six week session what can I expect.

So I know there's not a lot of comments, but what are your suggestions. Did you have a shy one? What did you do. It's not just dance, it's playing at the playground, with kids of friends, anywhere there are kids she doesn't really know. It's not just kids, cause I see LOTS of kids who just jump right in. She is the only one in her class who sits on the side. I just don't want her to miss out.

bagles

Did I tell you all I made bagels? Garlic & Onion this time. Next time I think I'll make 1/2 sweet 1/2 savory. I had NO idea how easy they would be to make! Enjoy

Also, check out the dinner Abbie made AND ATE. Salmon patties, who'd a thunk she'd eat that. She's been living on cereal and yogurt lately, but turns out if we let her make it she eats it!

that's not him

So we decide, ok I decided it was time to go back to church. I mentioned it and Abbie was shocked at the thought we could actually go to church, so I figured it was time. Well we went yesterday. The left overs of Ike were over head and we got SOAKED. I figured God was just shocked Rick was with us :) Anyway I dropped them off and when I was running in the down pour I dropped my keys in a puddle that was so deep they floated UNDER A CAR. So in the POURING rain I'm not quite on my knees trying to balance my purse, Abbie's back pack, the umbrella and something else to dig my keys out. I got them and got inside.

Abbie was really very good, I was glad. She was curious about many things and whispered a lot of questions. Then I noticed her looking at the crucifix over and over and over, so finally she whispered in my ear "Mommy that's not Jesus Christ it doesn't look at all like him" I guess she was looking for the long brown hair guy.

Then when he talked about remembering those of us who have gone before us to heaven, or what ever the line is, Abbie said pretty loud, Mommy he knows JoAnn and your Grandpa. Funny the things kids hear and remember. Brought tears to my eyes, but reminded me we were in the right place.

Dancing

Have you met Abbie? Have you spent any time in her presence when there is music around? She loves to dance right? So I watched for the parks district catalog to come out, they had a dance class that fills right away every time and I managed to be a responsible mommy and get her signed up. We got the shoes, explained what the heck a leotard was, added tights and a matching skirt and she was ready. She had her first class Saturday. I checked to make sure we could watch, sure they said, they were wrong. There's a little window about 12 inches wide and trust me 20 parents don't all fit. anyway, grandma and I left her there for the class and were back before it was over. She looked like she had fun. We played at the playground until some girl told her she shocked her and then we went home. Plastic slides, dry air are apparently not a good combo.

Anyway, in the car on the way home I said so did you have fun. No I don't like dance and I don't want to go back EVER. Ok, chalked it up to being tired? Later I asked her more about it and she said it was boring and she didn't like listening to the teachers voice. LOVELY. I'm not going to force her to do something she dislikes, really I won't, but she has to go back. We paid for the session and she can't just give up after one class.

She spent the week before the class with Grandma & Grandpa, who are wonderful. I'm hoping that she just wasn't ready to listen to the teacher after a week of loving grandparents who think she does almost no wrong. Let's face it who after a week of vacation wants to listen to anyone :)

She's going back on Saturday, it's not ok to give up after just one time right? Cross your fingers.